Sunday, May 17, 2009

I have been unable to write since Donnie passed. I will say that I am lost without him. I am unsure of what I am supposed to do without him. I miss him so much. There is a void in my heart and my life that no one can fill and it hurts so badly I could never describe the pain. I am getting up and going to work some now atleast. I don't sleep or eat too much but I try. I do make the effort. Everything I do seems to take a massive amount of effort. It is hard stepping back into the world without him. It is just wrong. It isn't supposed to be this way. This wasn't supposed to happen to us. I just miss everything about him. The kids seem to be getting back into a normal routine. I haven't been able to just yet. I take each day as it comes. The only way I can describe the way I am living right now is "flashlight walking" I can only see a few steps ahead of where I am at. I can't look any further, it is too overwhelming. So one step at a time. My mind knows that it will get easier in time, my heart doesn't believe it.Hopefully my will to write will come back as it was therapuetic for me during Donnie's illness. Love to all

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