Thursday, October 23, 2008

shirts for sale

I have esophageal cancer ribbon shirts to sell for 25.00 a piece

they come in women's fitted and regular tees. just let me know if you are interested.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

our latest update

Well here we are in Houston. I wish I could say that the news was what we wanted to hear. It wasn't bad but it wasn't good either
After Donnie's last petscan (1 month ago) his CEA "tumor marker" had gone from 3.5 to 7.2. We found out today that when he came 2 weeks ago for chemo that his CEA at that time was 9.1.
Today it is 8.9. So it has gone down some since 2 weeks ago but up overall in the grand scheme of things. The dr. decided that he feels this chemo is still working so wants to try 2 more rounds and then scan again.
I don't know what else to write today. My heart is heavy. I want some GOOD NEWS for a change
Keep praying
love to all

Monday, October 20, 2008

off to houston

we are leaving for Houston shortly.
Donnie has bloodwork at 10. then he sees the dr at 12 for results and chemo at 1.
I will try to update tomorrow afternoon.
Please pray for good results
Love to all

Thursday, October 16, 2008


Just wanted to update on Donnie. He had chemo last Tuesday and is feeling okay. Not great or anything but he is struggling with the dreaded mouth sores. Been pretty bad this time, he said it hurts to talk even.
We go back next tuesday, they will do the blood test to see if his tumor marker is going up. Then we meet with the dr to decide what we should do next.
I have been told by people that they don't know what to say to the last blog. I wasn't looking for anything. I was just venting. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read it.
Love you all
keep praying


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

One year

Today makes one year since we got Donnie’s diagnosis. Looking back, we didn’t know where we would be today. Part of me can’t believe it’s been a year already and the other part feels like he has been fighting this cancer for so long. I just want him to beat it already.
It has been a rollercoaster of emotions. We have had our good days and our bad. And Donnie never ceases to amaze me. He amazes me every single day. If someone can beat this with willpower alone, it would be Donnie. His attitude is amazing. He makes the most out of every day and never complains at all. He has taught me so much. He has accepted his cancer and is fighting it. That is a pretty enormous task. I don’t mean that he has accepted it and is going to let it win. He has accepted “this is what is, I am going to do all I can” I wish I was a strong as him.
I can’t honestly say I have accepted his cancer. I don’t think I have even grieved the diagnosis yet. I know people don’t do it purposely but I sometimes feel like my feelings aren’t validated. Does that make sense? Like I am not supposed to be upset or angry because of Donnie’s cancer. I guess part of our human instinct is that when someone tears up to say “everything is going to be ok” or “Donnie is strong, he will beat this,you have to be positive” People don’t want you to cry because it makes THEM feel uncomfortable or it upsets THEM. Again, I know that people don’t realize that they are doing it . But it sometimes seems that it’s not ok for me to be upset or angry. I think I have every right to be upset and angry and even damn pissed off about it. I should have the right to kick and scream and cry if I want to ( as long as I don’t do it everyday) but I have been made to feel like those aren’t valid emotions that I should have. That I have to be strong for Donnie at all times . So in turn, I hold onto to it all and keep it all in. And I have been holding onto it and holding it in for so long, I don’t know if I can let it go. I don’t know if I am even capable of that.
If I voice my fears people say, but he looks so good! This is a very deceiving cancer. Donnie feels pretty good a lot of days and there are some days he feels pretty yucky. Sometimes he is able to play golf and some days he wants to stay in bed. He pushes through like noone I have ever seen. He goes to work every day and if you met him and didn’t know him, you would never know he was sick and somedays he will tell you , “if the dr’s didn’t tell me I was sick, I wouldn’t know” But the truth is that he is. He is fighting quite a monster.
He keeps busy and just lives every day to the fullest. We could all learn a thing or two from Donnie.
I don’t mean for this to be a negative posting in any way. I think that people just don’t know what to say. I always say that I should write a book on what not to say and what to say to a cancer patient and their families. Sometimes, (most of the time) you don’t need you to say anything. Just be there. Listen and let them know that you love them. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it means more than people know.
I will summarize by saying what a HUGE day it is at this one year mark. Donnie is defying the odds everyday. I pray everyday that he continue to defy those odds and I still pray for the day the dr comes in and says “We don’t know what happened but it’s gone, we can’t find it” Until that day, I will enjoy and live every day to it’s fullest and make the most wonderful memories with my family and my husband and count the many blessings in my life. And I will Thank God for those blessings.
I pray every day for my miracle that will cure Donnie but sometimes I worry I got my miracle already. HIM.
I never met a Hero until my husband became one.
Love to all
Keep praying Robin